Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
