I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
