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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
