I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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