i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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