I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
