he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
