She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
