Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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