i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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