New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
