She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
