my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize