he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
