i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
