hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
