I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
