Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
