Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
