We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Four minutes until I can fart!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
