dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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