like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
