evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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