I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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