yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
