I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he thought i was a dude.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
