Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
