You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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