Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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