How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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