I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
