i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
