Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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