Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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