You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize