We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
