this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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