I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
