Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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