just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
