i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
