I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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