Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
