so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
