The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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