I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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