bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
