Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
