They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
