i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
