i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
