**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
