I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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