Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
