and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
