My underwear smells like fireworks.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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