"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want a musical about memes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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