bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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