And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
