it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
