It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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