I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
