His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
