I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
