i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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