Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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