Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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