My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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